A few years ago I was feeling compelled to learn more about grief, and I sought out the book “The Wild Edge of Sorrow” by Francis Weller. In it, Weller suggests that we need both individual and collective ways to process and express our grief. He uses the language of “apprenticing ourselves to grief”, and that we may be able to live more fully when we open to and live more intentionally with our grief.
I meet monthly with two circles. One is a women’s circle begun almost five years ago, the other is a circle of mothers that started two years ago. Over time these monthly gatherings have become a part of how I process my life, as I sit and share, and sit and listen to each woman speak. We touch on different themes and witness intensity as feelings are expressed. We run the gamut from grief to mirth, from rage to joy. I am grateful for this collective way to process and share my life. I imagine I will lean on these circles even more in the coming years, as I age, as my parents age, and as time and chance will inevitably bring more personal loss to my life.
Since I read Weller’s book I had also been searching for a way to process my individual grief. My grief wasn’t at the point of needing a therapist, it wasn’t to do with personal or traumatic loss. Instead I was looking for a way to process the cognitive dissonance of being aware of the layers of privilege and violence that are destroying lives and ecosystems around the world. I finally found a structure for a personal grief ritual in the book “Spells for the Apocalypse” by Carmen Spagnola, a Somatic Trauma Recovery Practitioner. I have committed to sitting with my grief for 20-30 minutes every few weeks, and I have felt a distinct shift. I was afraid that giving those feelings regular time and space to arise might overwhelm me. Instead I noticed the opposite. I feel more able to be present with, and take in the intense reality of the world, rather than avoid it. I am still at the beginning stages of this personal practice, but it’s something that I now look forward to, and feel a lot of relief and gratitude for.
My relationship or apprenticeship with grief still feels like it’s in its infancy stage, but I anticipate that these two practices, one individual and the other collective, will support me in the years to come.
I am sharing this in the context of The Branches because one of our main values is Resilience-Building & Self Care. We have articulated that as “taking refuge in rest and pleasure, and building capacity to face challenges.” While we have primarily focused on resilience-building through practices of embodiment and mindfulness, I am excited to share a new “branch” of resilience and capacity building. I am in the midst of planning an eight-month program that will mentor people who want to start their own circles, like the Women’s Circle or Mother’s Circle I mentioned. I want to empower others to grow their own circles where they can process and share their lives, and live more fully and collectively with both grief and joy.
The details and dates for that program can be found here, and if this is something that interests you, please reply to this newsletter and let me know of your enthusiasm! The program will be open to all genders and will give people the experience of a monthly circle, as well as mentorship and guidance for organizing and facilitating a circle of your own.
You can also reply if my letter touched something else in you, I love hearing back from folks who are impacted by my writing. You can also chat with me at the studio if you run into me. I love connecting with others about grief, personal practices and gathering people together.
With care,
Emma
The Branches 