Flunking out of my first career

This post is by Branches Teacher & Director Leslie.

Failure is an old friend of mine. A few examples: I failed a good handful of university courses (one of them twice), my former marriage ended in divorce, and I completely flunked out of my first career as an intermediate-level elementary school teacher after about four years.

TL,DR: Wisdom earned through failure can be a good thing. Come to class – you are worthy of care.

— Teaching Was Tough, And I Was Not Tougher

Let me fill you in on my most recent failure, the story of my teaching career.

Teaching was the only job I ever saw myself doing. For more than a decade, all my life-plan schemes led me to the stair-step of teacher’s college, supply teaching, and then finally to the LTO that ended it all. (For non-teachers reading, LTO stands for long-term occasional, similar to a permanent teaching job, but without the secure employment status). 

In the thick of my struggles, as I spent my evenings planning, marking, and strategizing classroom management tactics, and my nights losing sleep at the hands of relentless anxiety attacks. Leaving teaching ultimately came down to a reckoning with my deteriorating mental and physical health. I simply backed out of the LTO, and within the year, had quit teaching altogether. 

Apart from an objectively toxic classroom situation, there were other factors. When I looked around me, some teachers in my community openly joked about their own coping strategies, saying, “Does your medicine come in red or white?” referring to wine. Functional alcoholism appeared rampant among the teachers I knew, including those who were supposed to be mentoring me.

Undiagnosed with ADHD, my marriage concurrently crumbling, and in over my head in a new level of professional challenge, I had also undermined my chances of survival by unintentionally drifting away from the things that brought me joy, wellbeing, and a sense of grounding like rock climbing and yoga. In retrospect, as my union rep had pointed out, I could have gone on stress leave, like the teacher I had replaced. But I couldn’t tolerate the shame of such a transparent admission of how poorly I was coping. Alienated from support, quitting simply felt easier and safer. 

— A Celebration

Fast-forward to today. A handful of the folks who attend my 5:00pm Slow Flow 45 on Wednesdays are teachers. Even though class is short, I feel determined to help those individuals feel more human, more whole, more like themselves, more grounded, and more at ease after those precious 45 minutes.

Just last night before the 5 o’clock class began, it was as though they knew I was drafting this email. We had a small chat about the fact that there comes a time when you realize you’ve got to do something to protect and preserve your health – physical, mental, emotional and beyond.

I admire the fact that these folks show up, and I worry about them when they don’t. I whole-heartedly celebrate this group of educators who, unlike me, have not only realized the importance of tempering their professional and familial obligations with a protective and sustaining approach to their own health, but also (at least a little bit) have figured out how to execute it, partly through some regular yoga.

— Stay Tough & Stay Tender

There is a lesson in my story, that, at the time, I was unable to take in, but have come to appreciate through observing others.

You may have heard it before: Learn to rest, not to quit. 

Education workers, I obviously see the extremely important value you offer our society. 

Healthcare workers, oh boy do I see you, too!

Daycare workers, you are so important.

Transit workers, you matter a lot!

Parents, you are irreplaceable.

Insert yourself here – no matter what job you have or what role you play in your community, you matter!

If you are struggling or even “failing,” professionally or personally, I get it. If you have drifted away from the things that bring you joy, wellbeing, or a sense of grounding, consider this a personal nudge and a reminder that work will always be there, and that there is nothing more important than your health.

Is it possible for you to rest? To do just a little bit of the things that keep you afloat? Sure, you could tough it out, but what if you offered yourself a little tenderness?

Making It to Your Mat

When we updated our drop-in schedule this season, we wondered how we could make our offerings easier for folks to sneak into their days, right after work, before the business of the evening began. We specifically thought about teachers.

If you see yourself in this description, or in my story, I highly encourage you to pop into our early evening sessions after work:

• Monday 4:15pm Strength Essentials (60 min): this is a beginner-friendly way to take some of your hot feelings out on a kettlebell and build confidence and strength over time

• Tuesday 4:15pm Slow Flow 45 with Emma and Wednesday 5:00pm Slow Flow 45 with me (Leslie): these are moderate, mindful movement and embodiment breaks to soothe fried nerves and give your mind and body some gentle time to themselves

Cheering for your health, and for the ways you give yourself to the community,

Leslie