Levi Larivee (he/they) is a grad of our 2023-2024 YTT program. Levi is Community Inclusion & Outreach Worker and a yoga teacher currently living in B.C.
When I first started practicing, I would stare at the person at the front of the room who seemed to be moving so peacefully and seamlessly through poses I couldn’t figure out. I would do them backwards and respond in silly ways to cueing- then look up to the front of the room and be so embarrassed that I wasn’t doing what everyone else was. My face would get red, then I would stumble even more, lose my breathe, and just sit down on my mat because I couldn’t catch up. After class I would joke and make light of how embarrassed and hurt I was so no one could tell how ashamed I was that I couldn’t keep up in a yoga class. Everyone who could move through the poses, keep their breathe, not be sweating incessantly, I felt lesser than. Watching them move so gracefully, I just knew that they had made it to the otherside. The side of life where tough things stop touching you, stop hurting you. The side where no one has unhealthy coping mechanisms and never eats deep-fried food. Everyone loves them, they never have any problems because they’re so “zen” that nothing can penetrate their meditative bubble.
I truly believed that my yoga teachers lived like that. I would have done anything to be on the other side. Well imagine my surprise when I found out that my yoga teachers were human beings, too. They weren’t Gods. They eat “too much” cake sometimes (if that’s even possible), cry when days don’t turn out how they expected, get a little bit too mad some days. They have problems too. Now I am a yoga teacher, and I still eat fast food, get grumpy when I haven’t slept, and have some bad habits that I cant seem to kick. Sometimes I’m even too stressed to meditate, imagine that!
All of this to say, yoga teachers are just people. Yes, it is a really cool job, and probably do our best to be mindful and present in our lives, but its progress not perfection. I am more than happy to still have my fair share of hardships in life, and oh-so-grateful to have a life beyond that that has been cultivated by trying to choose healthier ways of being. I’ve also learned how to show myself love when I don’t do the “healthier” things, or when I lose my temper. There is always tomorrow.
A yoga practice is an additive, it is just one delicious slice of the much bigger pie. I’ll admit, yoga definitely helps me deal more effectively and respond more compassionately, but life didn’t stop “life-ing” just because I seem super zen in my one hour yoga class. My point is, I would have saved myself alot of aching if I hadn’t assumed that my yoga teachers were all-knowing, supreme beings that had mastered how to “do” life. There is no otherside, the grass is greener where you water it. I wish I could go back and tell myself that!
But I can tell you- be gentle with yourself. No one ever stops making mistakes, no one is super calm and flowy and spiritual 100% of the time. It’s okay to not know everything. It is so nice when people are authentically themselves, because it shows people that it is super okay and encouraged for you to be exactly that. Yourself! It’s so much easier to be human when we can tell and show each other just how valued we are, on every step of the road. Lots of love, always, from your friendly neighborhood yoga teacher.
-Levi
Levi is a grad of our 2023-2024 YTT program
The Branches 